ten twelve

Out of nowhere, I am so thankful. It isn't anything that anyone has said, or anything that has happened, I am just so thankful. Sometimes you hear about people who have near-death experiences, or hear a sermon or something-- and it makes them realize how good they have it. But today I just got overwhelmed for some random reason. I have absolutely no idea why, and it might sound strange, but I'm so thankful that I'm thankful. So keenly aware of how blessed I am that it doesn't take an accident for me to realize how lucky I am. Just glad to be alive. Here. With family and friends who are healthy and who love me for me.

I am entirely broke. In every sense of the word. Wallet, heart, brain. I have no money, no major, no idea what's coming next year (or the year after that, or the year after that...). I don't know what my faith is anymore, and it scares the shit out of me. (No, I do not need to be witnessed to, thank you very much.)

And yet, I'm ok. No, I am fantastic. I love this place, I love my friends, I love this mess. Because what is the alternative? People who say that they have everything together are sad, sad individuals. I don't want everything together. This is an adventure, and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the whole world. There are people who didn't wake up this morning who would do anything to be back in this mess. There are people who did wake up this morning who would do anything to trade their mess for mine.

Cripes, what a rant. I guess this is what I get from trying to read my whole Emerson assignment in one night...